#12 Star Wars: A New Hope

As I mentioned in a previous review, George Lucas has lost his shit. He lost it sometime between the 70’s and releasing the original three again. And I was a little disappointed to find out I had acquired the Remastered edition of the original Star Wars. Sure the space flight stuff and all the pretty colors looked cool, but the additional effects and added scenes sucked. The meeting with Jabba was actually alright; with the exception that it contains the only reference to Human Beings in all three originals. But some of the background stuff was idiotic. Like right after Luke finds his family murdered and decides to leave with Obi Wan, we see a big robot smack an annoying smaller robot. Nothing says, “I’m over my dead family” like classic robot slapstick. Although, I have to mention the greatest goof in history (according to me at the time, and I watched it 70’s style) was in the original cut, and I never noticed it. A storm trooper that is slightly taller than the others, walked into a low door. Bonked his head and almost fell over backward. I almost plotszed. Another hilarity was Harrison Ford in the detention center on the phone with the imperial guy. He had that ridiculous voice and rambled on about how fine they all were before inquiring the same of the operator. Then shoots the thing and clearly refers to the fact that on set, there was only him talking to a table, and says, “It was a one-way conversation anyway.” That’s some great improv Indy.

More officially, I can’t say anything about this movie that I didn’t say about Return of the Jedi. Same faults, same magic, just a slightly better piece of the story and maybe more credit for being the first one. I’m still surprised that this one is the #2 Star Wars.

Last thing that always bugged me. Why are there only 6 Tie fighters protecting something as freaking huge as the Death Star? I think there should have been like 6,000. Just a more logical number.

#11 Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

Goddamn this is a long movie. Took me just under a month to get through it. It's a little peculiar that just one of the trilogy makes its way so high up on the list, as they are basically all one movie. Which is the only way to make these books into movies that are any good. That being said, this is clearly the most interesting piece. Great action, profound moments of introspection and the final resolution to a truly epic adventure. This story is awesome and it took some major talent and even bigger balls to turn it into such a great movie trilogy. I’ve read all the books and I cannot have imagined it better than the finished product Peter Jackson gave the world.
The last scene is truly touching for me. It grips me with feelings of loss and of being lost. What do you do when you say goodbye to a friend closer than a brother forever? How do you live your life after living through such a harrowing adventure? Where do you go when you have seen the what the world has to offer? These questions are so moving to most people that they can’t be answered fully. Ever. I am for some strange reason quite susceptible to these sentiments as I am feeling quite adrift at the moment. On some level, I feel like it was me saying goodbye to my best friend as I realize that this amazing story that has captivated me for the last 2 years is now over. Call me a nerd, but I get that way after the final episode of every beloved TV show. I can’t even speak for the first 20 minutes after the last episode of Cowboy Bebop and I’ve seen the whole series 4 times.

Anyway, I don’t think there is anything particularly different about this movie compared to the other 2, so I am just going to say one thing: I think Tolkien was a master.

#248 Mou gaan dou [EN: Infernal Affairs] (2002)

Excuse the poor etiquette by starting this off talking about a different movie and including so much off-topic discussion, but...

The Departed, which I am sure most people have seen, is simply an American re-make of this movie - Infernal Affairs. Before viewing Infernal Affairs, I had no idea it was the original foreign version of The Departed. It took about 15 minutes and I just had this feeling I had seen this movie before without English dubbed-over voices and Chinese actors. It hit me when the police Chief (or some high ranking police officer who knew too much) was thrown off the top of the station after being jumped in the elevator by the bad guys. BAM! This thing is a rip-off of The Departed!... wait, no way - it came out BEFORE The Departed, which is a rip-off of Mou gaan dou!!! :-o

So many similarities by the end of the movie, and even more as I think back through both movies. I won't list them here, watch both movies (if you have seen neither, view Infernal Affairs first) and you'll agree.

I liked Infernal Affairs, and if I had never seen The Departed I would be even more enamored with this film. A solid police drama with plot twists galore - you may not see them coming if you haven't seen the "re-make".

In case you couldn't tell by reading what I typed above, I now hate The Departed even more (I never really liked it in the first place). Maybe it wasn't intended to be taken as original (The Departed, that is), but I never saw or heard anything telling me "based on Mou gaan dou (Infernal Affairs)" >.<

Scorsese should be ashamed for trying to pass off The Departed as anything original. He just used American actors and made very slight adjustments (if you can call it that) to the scenes to make money off movie-viewers thinking he had directed an original film.

That is all.

#10 Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back:

I don’t know what surprised me more: that there is a Star Wars in the top ten or that it’s not the first one. As a kid, I generally regarded The Empire Strikes Back as the least of the three original Star Wars movies. Now that I’m an adult, I can clearly see that Ewoks suck ass. But come on! I know it’s a classic and all and spawned an ertire race of geeks, but why? These movies really aren’t that good. None of them. George Lucas was insane. He was not a great filmmaker. The movie is full of plot holes and bad dialogue. I mean, are we to believe that Hoth, the asteroid belt and Lando’s place are all 5 minutes away from eachother? The Falcon never jumps to hyperspeed to go to any of these places! And it is just silly to think that you can travel between systems without hyperspeed!!!

I guess it speaks to the imagination more than to the pragmatic side. I really do love Star Wars. I’ve seen the originals countless times and even the godawful first two new ones have enjoyed many turns through my DVD player. It’s just funny to take a step back and look at them as just films and not legends. I really do hate Geoge Lucas though. Mark Hamil is crap too, the Wookie emotes better, unless you count being a whinny little shit, that he’s got a handle on. But he made a kickass voice for the Joker.

#249 The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951)

I'm back... reviewing another movie from well before my time.

I do not have a personality geared toward giving a movie such as this a proper review, as I take interest in politics/the history of politics to a degree best described as mostly disinterested.

The Day the Earth Stood Still is certainly a political statement movie, no doubt about that. A spacecraft from another planet lands in the middle of Washington DC, announcing non-hostile intentions but the 'alien' occupant (named Klaatu) is shot by a soldier by mistake. Klaatu's indestructible robot protector then shows some of its limitless power by melting guns and tanks with a stare. Klaatu wishes only to address a group of representatives from each nation of the world to give Earth an ultimatum.

Throughout the movie, nuclear weapons are the focus of the non-Earthly visitor - the other sentient planets of the universe have become aware of Earth's development of nuclear weapons and warn that any attempt to use these in a manner affecting other planets will result in Earth's elimination by the galactic police (robots like Klaatu's protector, Gort). A stiff penalty for something that I'm not really sure has ever been a realistic possibility... or has it?

The fact that this movie chooses to completely skip over the idea of Earth's residents disastrously using nuclear weapons to do what we do best - kill ourselves - and jumped right to Earth using these weapons in space is very puzzling. And against species we did not know existed until they landed on Earth and told us not to shoot nukes into space... Or else they would destroy our planet. :-/

Overall, this was a decent movie but don't expect any slick special effects, mind-blowing plot twists, or intense action scenes. The acting in places is somewhat shallow - modern child actors can act circles around the kid actor in this movie. If you get a chance, it is worth a watch but I definitely question its place on the IMDb Top 250 list.

#9 The Dark Knight:

Holy shit this is a good movie. My favorite so far on the list. Of course I’d seen it before. I have liked it since the very first time. But movies are a little different when you watch them alone late at night. You are drawn into them more and I think the experience is much deeper. This particular viewing moved me more than the previous ones. The acting, the suspense, the themes and messages were so vivid and clear to me. More on that in a minute. First, Maggie is a thousand times better than Katie. I personally have the hots for Kates, but as we’ve all seen since she signed the contracts with Tom, she can’t act. Maggie is cute as hell and really brought her character to life. Actually, that’s pretty close to the only criticism I have, that every actor brought their characters to life. Too well. I mean, you can’t blame them, most of the supporting cast have (or received) Oscars. But they were all so good and deep that Batman himself was overshadowed. Christian Bale is good, but not Oscar good. So at times, I really found myself thinking of Batman as a lesser character. More of a supporting part. Alfred is cheeky and wise, Lucius is super cool, and the Joker is threatening again. I know, I know, talking about the Joker is cliché. So much has already been said about Heath’s last complete role. But not enough has been said. There’s real viciousness in him. Things that I’ve only seen on real life videos of people being barbaric. Not things that are typically on TV or in movies. He tapped into the dark side. The Joker in movies and TV before this was kinda just comic relief. He wasn’t scary. He wasn’t really dangerous. This one is.
Towards the end, the theme became apparent in the form of Batman’s decision to do what is right, not what is honest, in taking the blame for Harvey’s rampage and going rogue. That the truly strong leaders do what is, in the end, right. Which isn’t always what society preaches. This is because not everyone is a true leader. You have to be right to lead. There are books and classes and techniques to leading people around, but that’s not the real deal. The real leaders know what is right and do it, ignoring the rules. It’s OK to lie to an entire city, if you really do know what’s best for it. The people would disagree. Say that their right to know has been violated. But that’s what makes them the people, and not the leaders. This part of the movie is what really puts it at the top for me. I’ve felt that way my whole life. It’s just nice to see someone else sees the world that way so I don’t look like such an asshole.

#8 One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest:

Coming in, I knew very little about this movie. Pretty much just what was included in that one episode of Futurama. In the end, it really came out as a different sort of movie than I had expected it to be. I figured that Nicholson was destined to become one of the insane as a message that anyone can become crazy if left in an institution like that. Turns out, he learns how to be a better person and therefore is less insane by the end. Well, the end of him as a person. A lobotomy will pretty much leave you a turnip.

As far as my enjoyment of the movie itself? I’d have to say I was a little bored throughout. It really didn’t grab me and pull me in as the others on this list have. Now, far me it from me to say anything negative about a movie that won the big 5 from the Academy, that’s a staggering feat worthy of respect. So, I’ll just say that I didn’t get it and assume it’s my bad. It’s probably really good if you’d read the book. What I read off wikipedia about the book catches my interest more. Seems like its critiquing society and the way we are all controlled by social norms, which is a topic I like.

Last thing is that I hate Nurse Ratched. Not because she’s this movie’s villain. No, I hate her because I am a Star Trek fan. If you are too, you know what I mean. I hated Kai Winn from the moment she showed up at DS9. Acting all high and mighty and shit while screwing things up for everyone. Always making Kira feel like crap. Ratched is pretty much the same character too. Maybe Oscar worthy, but I’d still like to strangle her.