#12 Star Wars: A New Hope

As I mentioned in a previous review, George Lucas has lost his shit. He lost it sometime between the 70’s and releasing the original three again. And I was a little disappointed to find out I had acquired the Remastered edition of the original Star Wars. Sure the space flight stuff and all the pretty colors looked cool, but the additional effects and added scenes sucked. The meeting with Jabba was actually alright; with the exception that it contains the only reference to Human Beings in all three originals. But some of the background stuff was idiotic. Like right after Luke finds his family murdered and decides to leave with Obi Wan, we see a big robot smack an annoying smaller robot. Nothing says, “I’m over my dead family” like classic robot slapstick. Although, I have to mention the greatest goof in history (according to me at the time, and I watched it 70’s style) was in the original cut, and I never noticed it. A storm trooper that is slightly taller than the others, walked into a low door. Bonked his head and almost fell over backward. I almost plotszed. Another hilarity was Harrison Ford in the detention center on the phone with the imperial guy. He had that ridiculous voice and rambled on about how fine they all were before inquiring the same of the operator. Then shoots the thing and clearly refers to the fact that on set, there was only him talking to a table, and says, “It was a one-way conversation anyway.” That’s some great improv Indy.

More officially, I can’t say anything about this movie that I didn’t say about Return of the Jedi. Same faults, same magic, just a slightly better piece of the story and maybe more credit for being the first one. I’m still surprised that this one is the #2 Star Wars.

Last thing that always bugged me. Why are there only 6 Tie fighters protecting something as freaking huge as the Death Star? I think there should have been like 6,000. Just a more logical number.

#11 Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

Goddamn this is a long movie. Took me just under a month to get through it. It's a little peculiar that just one of the trilogy makes its way so high up on the list, as they are basically all one movie. Which is the only way to make these books into movies that are any good. That being said, this is clearly the most interesting piece. Great action, profound moments of introspection and the final resolution to a truly epic adventure. This story is awesome and it took some major talent and even bigger balls to turn it into such a great movie trilogy. I’ve read all the books and I cannot have imagined it better than the finished product Peter Jackson gave the world.
The last scene is truly touching for me. It grips me with feelings of loss and of being lost. What do you do when you say goodbye to a friend closer than a brother forever? How do you live your life after living through such a harrowing adventure? Where do you go when you have seen the what the world has to offer? These questions are so moving to most people that they can’t be answered fully. Ever. I am for some strange reason quite susceptible to these sentiments as I am feeling quite adrift at the moment. On some level, I feel like it was me saying goodbye to my best friend as I realize that this amazing story that has captivated me for the last 2 years is now over. Call me a nerd, but I get that way after the final episode of every beloved TV show. I can’t even speak for the first 20 minutes after the last episode of Cowboy Bebop and I’ve seen the whole series 4 times.

Anyway, I don’t think there is anything particularly different about this movie compared to the other 2, so I am just going to say one thing: I think Tolkien was a master.

#248 Mou gaan dou [EN: Infernal Affairs] (2002)

Excuse the poor etiquette by starting this off talking about a different movie and including so much off-topic discussion, but...

The Departed, which I am sure most people have seen, is simply an American re-make of this movie - Infernal Affairs. Before viewing Infernal Affairs, I had no idea it was the original foreign version of The Departed. It took about 15 minutes and I just had this feeling I had seen this movie before without English dubbed-over voices and Chinese actors. It hit me when the police Chief (or some high ranking police officer who knew too much) was thrown off the top of the station after being jumped in the elevator by the bad guys. BAM! This thing is a rip-off of The Departed!... wait, no way - it came out BEFORE The Departed, which is a rip-off of Mou gaan dou!!! :-o

So many similarities by the end of the movie, and even more as I think back through both movies. I won't list them here, watch both movies (if you have seen neither, view Infernal Affairs first) and you'll agree.

I liked Infernal Affairs, and if I had never seen The Departed I would be even more enamored with this film. A solid police drama with plot twists galore - you may not see them coming if you haven't seen the "re-make".

In case you couldn't tell by reading what I typed above, I now hate The Departed even more (I never really liked it in the first place). Maybe it wasn't intended to be taken as original (The Departed, that is), but I never saw or heard anything telling me "based on Mou gaan dou (Infernal Affairs)" >.<

Scorsese should be ashamed for trying to pass off The Departed as anything original. He just used American actors and made very slight adjustments (if you can call it that) to the scenes to make money off movie-viewers thinking he had directed an original film.

That is all.